I Am Not A Sociopath Just Because I Don’t Give A Shit About You
Back in 2009, when I was working as a cook at a drug and alcohol rehab, as I was getting ready to cut the lasagna, we were to serve to the clients; this dumb bitch of a co-worker said something along with lines of “here, I’ll do it.” The tone of her voice was as if she was belittling me, implying that I wouldn’t have been able to cut it properly, and she would automatically be able to do it better. I felt as if she was attempting to proclaim herself as superior to me, which is something I refuse to put up with, so I grabbed one of our knives and proceeded to mangle the lasagna as though I were possessed by the spirit of John Belushi’s Samurai chef.
After doing this, I asked her if she had ever heard of the book the Art of War; I then spat out a quote from the book “Never allow the enemy to impose his will upon you; always impose your will upon the enemy.”(or something like that) This might have been over her head, but her stupid ass might have been able to see how I was relating it to what took place in the kitchen.(although in an indirect manner) Her rebuttal was to ask me “Have you ever heard of a book called the Sociopath Next Door? She is trying to imply that I’m a sociopath, and it wasn’t the first time the charge has been thrown at me, and I know the reason why: at times I seem to lack empathy, sympathy, and compassion for others, but a lack of empathy alone does not make one a sociopath. There are other personality types and personality disorders in which a lack of empathy is also a prominent feature: histrionic personality type is one; borderline personality disorder is another, and people with Asperger’s also lack sympathy/empathy. Aspies often have a stronger attachment to things, inanimate objects, rather than people.
There are a whole host of traits associated with the sociopath that do not apply to me. While having a conversation with someone who has a background in psychology, he said I’m not a sociopath, because so many of the other traits of a sociopath do not fit with my personality and behavior. Sociopaths are impulsive and view life with short term/for-now mentality. I can spend so much time thinking about the possible outcome of an action that it leads to inaction. I next to never throw caution to the wind. I plan things out. The sociopath is a thrill-seeker, and I’m not. They like to victimize people, and are able to do so easily because of that lack of empathy. That’s not what I’m about. I have a live and let live, and leave me the hell alone, mentality. You do your thing, and I’ll do mine. Leave me the hell alone, and I’ll leave you the hell alone. I’m not out to cause suffering, but the suffering of most of the human race means nothing to me. To be honest, there is just too much human suffering for me to be connected to all of it. An attempt to do so would probably result in endless depression and agony. Buddhists believe that suffering is an inescapable part of human existence.
I question the motives of the humanitarian. I think these misguided Dudley-Do-Rights lack an understanding of their own nature, the nature of the human animal. How many people are on Earth?
It would be impossible to love and honestly care about that many people and have that love actually be sincere, so I’ve come to see the humanitarian as a fraud, someone who is dreaming an impossible dream. Why would you want to love everyone on the planet? Mixed in with those likable people are detestable people: pedophiles, rapists, bigots, murderers, liars, sociopaths, users, dumb-asses etc. Loving some of these folks could be hazardous to your health. By loving everyone, you’ve reduced the value of love. My love and respect is reserved for those who deserve it. Those who are in my life, and I care about, I will do just about anything, within in reason, to help them, but a stranger is just that– a stranger.
I think the selfless person doesn’t actually exist. Selflessness runs counter to our nature. The most prominent of all natural laws is that of self-preservation. It’s always in effect. If you fall upon economic hard times, you will be reminded of the primacy of self-interest. If you are starving, you are more likely to be concerned about putting food in your belly instead of someone else’s. To choose the latter over the former is a subversion of natural law and really fucking stupid. You can only extend your hand as far as your arm will allow you to. Anton LaVey once said you cannot be good to others until you are good to yourself first. If you aren’t financially stable, you do not have the disposable income to donate to charity, or at least, in my eyes, to do so wouldn’t be a wise move. The question I have for philanthropists: Are their charitable actions exclusively for other people? Or are they also doing it for themselves? Is it done to make themselves look good? How many people in college are involved with some type of philanthropy because it will look good on a resume’? How many philanthropists give because they get some type of emotional satisfaction, some type of good vibe, heart-warming tingly feeling. If that’s the case, they are involved in a self-serving activity.
I’ll always remember the time when I got one of those I care about everybody types to admit her underlying motives were self-serving. It was a former co-worker who seemed to bend over backwards to help people. I asked her why she did it. She told me she believes in the pay it forward concept, which is the idea that if you help others, other people will help you or be kind to you later on down the line. I ended the conversation right there, but the unsaid question that popped into my mind was if she didn’t think she was going to get a karmatic refund, would she still want to help people. Her pay it forward concept would see her getting something in exchange for doing good deeds, which is a self-serving motive. She’s doing good deeds and anticipating being paid back for it later. That is not a selfless act: it’s an exchange, even if it’s with some unseen, undefined, unproven cosmic force.
Someone can become uncaring due to environmental factors. If someone was raised in, or lives for an extended amount of time, an uncaring environment, someone could become uncaring. Urban environments reinforce the primacy of self-interest. The rat race, a faster paced life reinforces a do for self mentality. I’ll never forget this time when I was living in KC and I saw a drunk bum slip off of a bus stop bench and cracked his head on the side walk. He was down for the count. He stayed planted on the ground. No screams of pain came from him. He wasn’t struggling to get back up. He just stayed there. No one at the bus stop came up to him to see if he was ok. These girls did try to flag down a cop car, but the cop car just rolled on. Should I have helped him? Should I have even cared about him? My answer is no. I had been at work all night, unloading packages for UPS, and was getting ready to catch another bus home and go to sleep, and this is the part of the story where the bleeding hearts talk about how he probably had some type of pain and strife in his life, and that’s why he’s a bum getting sauced up at nine in the morning. We all have pain and strife in our lives, yet not everyone becomes a bum. I didn’t put that beer in his hand or push him off the bench. I find it hard to have sympathy for people when their problems are self-created.
In my eyes, the ideal society would be a meritocracy, a society in which someone’s status, wealth and well-being is merit based, a society in which those who contribute the most would have the most, and those who contribute nothing would have nothing. Which category would the bum on the bench fall under?
Have you ever thought that by helping the “disadvantaged” that, on a macro level, you might be doing harm to society as a whole? I proposed this question to a bleeding hurt acquaintance once, and she said she didn’t understand what I was trying to say. Someone who takes the offerings of others, yet does not contribute to society, is by definition a human parasite, and parasites maintain their existence by drawing blood from healthy organisms, so by helping those who do not contribute to society, you are helping to feed parasites.
The words you have just read are not the words of a sociopath, but rather the words of someone who is able to see human beings, along with life itself, for what they are, the good, the bad, and the ugly, sans any type of rose-colored glasses or delusions.